Day of Tears

Have you ever had one of those days where you just need to cry? You are just so frustrated with everything that is happening in your life, you just don't know what to do but just cry. I hate crying...I don't like to show any emotions except happiness and joy. Not anger or sadness. I don't want to bring other people down. I keep everything to myself for other peoples sake. But there are always those days where you just feel like if you don't let something out, you will burst into a trillion little pieces. And it never helps when you are listening to your playlist and a song comes up like "I'll Stand By You" by Gina Glocksen comes on and just makes everything worse. These are always terrible days in my mind and my entire body just wants to collapse onto the ground and never get up. If I could, I wish I could just drop everything in my life and just leave. At least until I am ready to come back to this mess of what I call a life. But I don't show anyone this. Pretty sure everyone that I have talked to today thinks I am perfectly fine. I will admit, i'm a pretty good actress. But when I am by myself, it just seems like hell. I think that is why I always keep myself busy with things so I never have a moment to think about everything. And I am always around people. So you could think this habbit of mine is unhealthy, and it isn't but it's my life and I have tryed to be more open about showing my emotions and it just never worked out. But today I don't think things could get any worse.And somehow by the end of the day I seem to have made it through without shedding a tear.

The mood is pissed

So, for those of you that do and don't know. I had been planning to move down to Corpus after I graduated. If you didn't notice the main word in that sentence because you were too shocked of the news that you had just read, well the word was "had" meaning past presence. Before my parents decided that they were going to pay for my college and half of my rent for when I move down there. And so the other day I find my PERFECT apartment! It was love at first sight. Well, when I go to show my mom and discuss things with her cause since I was told that she was going to be paying for half, I figured she should have a say. Well, out of nowhere I am informed that they wouldn't be paying for ANYTHING! Yep, nothing. Not half of the apartment or college. My mind started racing! "What am I suppose to do now?" I kept telling myself....well if I stay here in the great and exciting town Leander, i wouldn't have to pay for anything. They would pay for my college and I would live at home for free. As great as that sounds....it doesn't. Maybe I am overreacting or being a dumb teenager. If so, let me know. But I don't want to live at home. Love my family but I need to express my freedom and grow and mature. How am I suppose to do that if I am allowed to be lazy and not have any responsibilities? But right now I am trying to figure out what to do. If you have any ideas fill free to message me =)

Your Life made by the people

The things you regret most in your life, you tend to dwell on and the more you dwell on it, the more you allow it to control your life. And if you don't agree with me on this. Just listen to my side and then we can talk later. Well, it affects your mood correct? Well your mood affects you in how you act and the choices you make. Like whether or not you want to hang out with friends because you are too sad to be around anyone. Ha! Just killed two birds with one stone there =)
Peoples moods affect everyone around them. It's insane but it's true. If you are going to go into a room full of people pissed off....well, soon enough everyone else is going to start getting mad about things for no reason.
I believe in one of my earlier blogs, i talked about how our whole lives are based from the decisions we make and that everything we do is a decision. Where to go, what to eat or drink, how to act, how to feel. Well, i realize how in this blog i was contradicting myself and proving that my entire theory is wrong. Well I'm not, as crazy as that sounds. It may feel like you can't control what you think about but you can. It is all a state-of-mind. The way you think is by other people influencing your mind and it effects how you think and how you act and whatnot also. But it's also a decision to allow them to mold your mind that way. You can just be like, "Pshh, they are dumb. I'm not gonna listen to them." But what is funny about the human race is, we don't like to think for ourselves. We like to believe other peoples opinions and shape basically the rest of our lives.
Which now brings me back to my blog about trusting everything. You are basically trusting and allowing people to shape your life. Think about it for awhile....